I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need moral support for this bender
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
