Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
