that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize