About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize