I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
