Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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