i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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