It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
