So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
