So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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