We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
