i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
