I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it because I queefed?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
