My friends, they love my intelligence
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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