On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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