you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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