She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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