she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
