i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
