Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
that may or may not have been my penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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