I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
