If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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