I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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