Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
