yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
