Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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