I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
