i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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