it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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