Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
