Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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