Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
