Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
