Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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