Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
