His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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