She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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