NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
