I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
