sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize