Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
