I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize