Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
