I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
