Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
