so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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