I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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