it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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