sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize