Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
