True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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