There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
