I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
