if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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