i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
