i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
