best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize