Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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