I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
