I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
