They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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