morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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