idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
