I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
