god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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