After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
