I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
