So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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