something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
