my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
