Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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