Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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