not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
