I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
