Im at strip club and am horny
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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