eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
