Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
