i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
