I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Two words: nipple clamps
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