Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize