omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize