I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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