god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
whose parrot is this?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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