Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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