Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize