Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
vagina is talking i cant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
