dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
