Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
